Tag: Written by Blair

I got to New York with Passion, Blood, Sweat and Tears. Okay maybe not blood but lots of tears. It was a big inner fight of figuring out what I really wanted but I always went back to my passion which is my love for theatre. Theatre has been my lifeline since I was little. I was always amazed at the lights, the costumes, the voices, the sound, puppetry and the meaning of the shows. I would perform my own shows and as soon as I saw a show I knew all the blocking. I could even predict the blocking (blocking is how a scene is positioned) for a show I had never seen. When I was 16 my mom took me to see my favorite show, which is Beautiful the Carole King Musical. It was an amazing experience. I met tony award winner Jessie Mueller after the show and this story inspired me. (Remember this it will come in handy later.)  

HARD work and self appreciation and acceptance paid off because I am currently in the Theatre Education program at New York University. If you told younger Blair that she is studying theatre in NYC she wouldn’t believe it. So when someone asks me what my next move is, I say I am studying to be an Applied Theatre Practitioner or an Artist. I’m in a two year masters program about the effects that art and theatre have on our culture and the world. 

My favorite class right now is Theatre for Young Audiences. Each week we have intense discussions about entertainment for youth. We talk about our experience with theatre.  Our discussion last week brought up all my trauma. We were discussing what is appropriate for young audiences and what we should expose young audiences to. I finally felt comfortable enough to share my story. This story intensified my passion for this field of study and helped me understand why I am here! I hope my experiences help others when they read my blog. 

When I was a sophomore I auditioned for my high school’s Spring musical. Which was Carrie…Carrie the Musical based on the book by Stephen King. Carrie was an off/on broadway show and at the time a local college performed it. This caused an uproar with the school board, PTA parents, staff and students. They felt that Carrie was inappropriate for a High School Theatre to perform. The arts directors and administrators argued it would be an anti-bullying show, since in the show Carrie was bullied by the students who pulled pranks, excluded, and made fun of her. They ended up having a small show to give our theatre department a unique look, since only colleges were performing it. The directors casted about 30 and had more than double audition. I was one of the cut kids. 

I explained in class that I wasn’t upset because I was cut, although that did upset me at the time. I was upset that no one saw my passion. I was even more upset that the school created an unhealthy competition by not including most of the kids in the musical and therefore created the same environment of exclusion the play identified as harmful. High school theatre should not be about competition, it should be about giving everyone the opportunity to express themselves artistically. It should be inclusive! 

Theatre teaches so much and I felt that the opportunity to learn and grow artistically was lost for those cut from the play. In high school I experienced a lot of exclusion. I was afraid to be myself and last week when I was sharing this with my class I said “I know High School isn’t a representation for the rest of your life” My professor said “it isn’t” and that my experience was “totally valid.” He could tell that it wasn’t just about being cut but about the whole idea and message of the show being ignored. He said “If you’re going to put on a show with an anti-bullying message then do it right.”  He and I both said we wish that we could tell so many students the same thing. It does not matter! 

I wish I could tell younger Blair not to stress as much, that those same feelings would motivate her to persevere and follow her dreams! It ultimately would earn her a spot at NYU. Never let someone else define you! I want to make it my mission not to let this happen at another high school. Remember when I said Beautiful the Carole King Musical is my favorite show earlier? That’s because almost everyday since I was 16 I would recite a few words from the musical to myself. “Sometimes life goes the way you want, sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes when it doesn’t you find something beautiful.” 

So again, to my young readers, go find your beautiful! Do not let anything get in the way of your passions. Let karma and nature take its course, be a good student, be true to yourself and most importantly become who you believe you are meant to be. Don’t listen to others who want to tear you down. You will find your people, you will find appreciation, it will all work out and most importantly what happens in high school doesn’t define you! Now go be beautiful and show the world all the love in your heart!

This series post we are writing together. Everyone knows that we  have a special bond. We are each other’s worst enemy and best friend all in one. We are very clicky in our home for this exact reason, sorry to everyone else (dad). We always have laughs and make jokes in my family. We are each others very own in home entertainment. Who needs cable anyways? Ever since I was little this has been our relationship with the jokes. It all started when my mom illegally dumps and it also all started when I started profusely cleaning the house. (what else am I supposed to do in my spare time anyways?) 

I love the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I really just vibe with her character and have mega New York energy. So for my last birthday my mom decided to make that the theme (you know for Covid birthdays). For my birthday I got the Marvelous Mrs Maisel game of Life, her famous black gloves and a surprise microphone. All a surprise! My mom said “we want you to do comedy for us with the microphone?” Everyone always asks me to make jokes, since I am told I am funny. I have never done actual comedy. I am very shy but I thought “ok I will give it a shot tonight.” That night as already planned I had a few friends come over for a socially distant cupcake celebration and… The Marvelous Ms.Bean opened her very own downtown Greenwich village gaslight club.

The only jokes I felt I could actually make at that time were about my mom. I mean she did ask me to do comedy? So she basically asked for this, I thought she would not mind being the center of my first actual joke. This could be easy because we make jokes about each other everyday. I did not want to be mean and so thus the idea of the honey roast came to be. My jokes are meant to be taken with sweet and best intentions. Although some may say they punch you in the core. Our relationship with joking is pure entertainment and love,I think what we both have in common is that roasting is one of our love languages. 

So at the Honey Roast birthday celebration I took out my phone. You see I have a running list of Stacey/mom traits. The little things that piss me off  and of course the things I want to remember her for. I hope you all know my mom and I have a very dark sense of humor and so in real life I call this my eulogy list. I began to go on with the real  illegal dumping. Ever since I can remember my mom has illegally dumped. She knows all her friends’ trash days and on Mondays and Tuesdays we cannot have any trash in the house. They say I am the one with the cleaning problem? My mom is huge on taste testing and making brand new concoctions. Mixing salad dressings. She for the last 10 years has been hung up on this one salad dressing from this restaurant called Marios and always tries to replicate it and just cannot. It is like plankton trying to get the krabby patty formula. (That is for you Ethan, spongebob reference.) 

The next item on my list is the angel mugs. My mom never uses a travel mug and in her car every morning carries 100 degree coffee in an open mug (well she used to anyways). They don’t even fit the cup holder and I have discovered they are not angels but they are baby gymnasts. One time I got in her car and there was all this brown stuff in the cup holder and I said “mom you spilt your coffee again?” “No that’s melted chocolate” and then I said “oh yeah that’s any better.”  Hence once again why I am a cleaning fanatic. Another antic of my mother is she is in three book clubs. She always says “I can’t talk right now, I have 400 pages left of my book and the meeting is tomorrow.” So overall the list goes on and on, not to mention she picked the worst family movies. We revoked her movie picking privileges after the Hatchi incident. So even though the first time we had an official honey roast in September as I am always the Marvelous Ms. Bean every day. In our house with each other everyday is a Honey Roast. This is who we are and this is why we love each other. Don’t worry I need to be honey roasted as well now stay tuned for Part 2 of the Honey Roast series. 

It wasn’t until last year that I had this idea that I wanted to be a lawyer. I am so passionate about poverty, the American education system, and juvenile justice. Making things wrong, right. I could see myself in a Chanel tweed black and white suit absolutely ripping the wrong people to shreds. Shedding light and justice into what needs it. With the whole law school thing, I just kind of dived in come this fall. For the last six months, I have been studying for the LSAT and I can honestly say I wasn’t going to do terribly and then it hit me. I am not sure what but, it hit me and all this uncertainty came. Why was I doing this? Who is this for?

Then I realized that this career path was to impress other people. I don’t want to put myself in a box and limit myself to this career right now. I need to practice what I preach by being true to myself. Sure, I am passionate and could see myself doing this not to mention law school looks really impressive especially after all the challenges and loss I have faced in my life so far. It was almost a revenge for me. Revenge at the teachers who didn’t believe in me and revenge with my peers.

My parents and boyfriend have been very supportive with this decision and truthfully, I could care less what other people think. So for now the LSAT is on hold in my mind’s back stock until further notice. I realized that I don’t want to impress people. I mean shouldn’t I already get an impressive pass just for waking up and doing something every day after my brother took his life? Isn’t me breathing enough? I wanted to be this high and mighty lawyer for the acceptance of my peers and others around me then I thought who I am.

I am my authentic self and I am impressive enough by being who I am. I am changing the world already by being me and leaving a positive mark on this world. I am impressive because I am perfectly me. I plan on still helping people, I plan on going far, I plan on righting the wrongs one day. My success at being me is revenge enough. At the end of the day I am one tag on a clothing item and whatever item I am tagged to and or end up wearing will be utterly amazing, astounding, impressive all done with every single ounce of love and fire in my heart. 

I’ve been working in retail at my favorite store for the last few weeks, to have something to do right now with so much uncertainty. Last week I was putting security tags on these stunning white eyelet dresses getting ready for the springtime. I noticed the tag on the dress said what the dress was made of and how to take care of it, like most clothing items have. It said 50% cotton, 50% silk handmade, wash in cold water, air dry etc. I then began to think woah… what would my tag say on me if I was a dress? I think it would say 25% strength, 25% hope, 25% love, 25% empathy. Delicate item wash gently, handle with care.

I’d say the biggest part of me is my genuine spirit. I am so comfortable with who I am and being true to myself. That is what people love about me. I feel like I have lost that mojo about me the last couple of months. I’ve never ever wanted to be put in a box. Growing up there was always a concern about my academic achievements. I graduated high school with honors and got into a Big 10 university. Aside from these accomplishments my strength didn’t lie in math or science. My strength lied in my emotional intelligence and ability to communicate.

I was so high in my communication skills and emotional intellect that there was never an accurate read on psychological tests for me growing up. Emotional intelligence and communication skills are what I pride myself on. I am very self-aware, and I am aware of others around me. However, because I was just average in those other subjects I wasn’t considered successful. My success was being measured by the box my peers were in. It was always a struggle growing up amongst my peers. There were days where I sat alone at lunch, there were days when time was moving so slowly I thought my school days would never end. I was always happy playing my imaginative games whenever I came home from school no matter what age.

I have always known that I was special and I was different but that didn’t mean that it still did not hurt. I have always given myself love and appreciation and this is something that I still work on and always will. I think it is natural as a human. Growing up I knew I was destined for big things and I still truly feel that way. As an empath, I understand what the world needs in order for everyone to thrive. I want to change the world. I want to change people. I have always been thinking of different ways to do that.