After 25 years, Erik is sometimes the only person who can comfort me. He understands the exact same deep rooted sadness I have in many aspects of my life. He is the first person I call when I am excited or panicked. Erik still makes me laugh. How did I meet Erik you ask? Before the internet, there were single ads. He wrote one in the Detroit Jewish News (yes, people wrote ads and there was a whole section just for Jewish men. This was our version of JSwipe). Just like the Pina Colada song only he also said he was an entrepreneur (Yeah right). My Step-Monster inquired for me. She left him a voicemail in her smokers cough deep voice that said “I give you permission to call my daughter, you have a lot in common.”
I didn’t really like aquariums, or scuba diving, however I do love 70’s music, humor and affection. He then proposed to me by writing a newspaper article and sending it to my house in the mail as he was a graduate from the school of journalism Masters program at MSU. His creativity is something I have always adored. We both are creative as I am thinking about the awesome scrapbook I made for him when we got married.
So fast forwarding 25 years, today is my 25th wedding anniversary with my Erik. I truly ask myself what is unconditional love? Well first Erik gave me my purpose. He helped me get into my Social Work program and made me a mom. There are days where we have our death by (marriage) chocolate scoop of Ice Cream and days where we hike in the Rocky Mountains.
When we got married during our vows the Rabbi said “Stacey I give you your Erik and Erik I give you your Stacey.” Years later I was talking to the Rabbi and he mentioned that for some reason when he marries a couple, if they get divorced they seem to get angry with him. I joked at the time and said Rabbi, that’s because they resent you for giving them to each other. I remember him pondering that thought. As with most marriages, the ups and downs and people post on Facebook there is no one else I’d rather spend my life with, but for me there is truly no one else I’d rather spend my life with. Our family of four was perfect, our dogs, our house and our kids.
Losing a child is very hard in a marriage. I have met people where the relationship may sever or it could get stronger. Something different about my marriage is that I know Erik loves me unconditionally. Can I say that about anyone else besides Blair? The answer is no. No one has stuck by my side unconditionally like Erik. Not even a parent. I lived with my biological father up until I was 3 and have had sporadic contact throughout the years. My step dad decided that he would let his wife make any and all parental decisions and again sporadic contact with him throughout the years.
What is unconditional love? Unconditional love is sticking through thick and thin when all the wind is blowing against you, walking towards each other. Losing power and regenerating. Unconditional love is a love so profound it heals the deepest wounds. So what’s the secret? I am honestly not sure, maybe it’s putting someone else’s needs before yours, maybe it’s being honest, but for me it is the person who is stable in my life that I know will be home for me when I open the door after a long day of work who is watching The Odd Couple.
Happy Anniversary, Erik, I love you.
Spilling The Beans 