Author: Spilling The Beans

I have always been into spirituality and learning about different religions, the higher power, psychic and mediums. Hey, anything to get through. Right? My daughter Blair is into it too and this is where she gets it from. I would say that, that is one of our coping mechanisms, as it is for so many people. We started this blog just to share our experiences and some of our challenges. This week as Blair and I were talking about how I was really going to get started in sharing my stories more in depth I told her my goals are to share how I am surviving everyday. At times it is humor, and a lot of times it’s friends, therapy, and thinking of my future that I used to have and will have one day. I have always had strength to reach a goal. Right now my goal is to share my experience, strength and hope. In short terms right now that is me binge watching Netflix and being in 3 book clubs.

During this conversation we were talking about our last family trip as a family of four in 2017, we had the best time. We accompanied my husband on a business trip to Denver Colorado. During that trip the weather changed from an 80 degree Summer day to a 40 degree snow festival so needless to say Blair and I took advantage of some shopping. Our favorite stop was the Rocky Mountains and one day as we were walking around the city, we saw this sign on a church that said “Jesus had two dads and he turned out just fine.” My family and I were cracking up as they took pictures of me in front of it. Questioning “Mom also has two dads and we’re not sure how she turned out but she’s here.” That’s right I am here. 

I then began to think that everything comes in twos. Noah’s Ark animals traveled in two, there are two Kits Kats per package. Socks come in a pair of two. Eyes and Ears usually come in pairs of two. So at the time I had my own ark, my two dads, my two dogs and my two kids. All I was missing was two husbands, but my husband was on his second wife. So I think that covers it. I am very into tarot cards and my favorite tarot card is the ten of cups. Things on the card can come in twos as well. If you look at the card it is two adults and two kids and to me that is my forever family. When I look at the card I get a “yay we did it” vibe. 

A quick side story, I was taking my son for therapy a while ago and they asked me for our family history. I started with my husband and they said they didn’t even need to hear mine. When we got married we decided to start our own family because both of our families were chaotic and messy. This has been a staple mantra for our marriage whenever major decisions need to be made. For example plots at the cemetery. Again, a story for another time. We still talk to biological families here and there but, our real family is the nuclear family we made and of course our family of friends. 

I wanted to make a genogram for the blog. A genogram is a diagramed family tree without all the pretty leaves and need for ancestry.com.  I have shared it with you below so I could talk about the players in my stories with clarity of how they are related to me. Moral of this post is everyone has a genogram no matter what their circumstances are.  If your family is biological or friends or a little bit of both, like me. No matter how many dads you have you can turn out just fine. Please share below in the comments a little bit about who is in your family. 

There is a poem, birth is the beginning. When I was young I knew I wanted a baby girl. I wanted a daughter to carry on the memories that I had with my mother who I called Mommy. My Mommy, Barbara was a unique individual, at times she was fun and other times reactive (that’s another story). My Mommy was both born in September and died in September. I wished for something happy in September. My beautiful baby girl was a planned baby girl born September 3, 1998. 

So, when I was thirty-three, I was pregnant with her. I was five months pregnant when I got put on bed rest for low amniotic fluid. It was the Friday of Memorial Weekend, my doctor said I needed to be on bed rest until the baby was born. That was a long and hot summer to say the least. I was supposed to lay on my side, most of the time. What side I don’t remember. Erik (my husband) was trying to complete a recorded video from a book he had written and was gone every Saturday and Sunday as he worked his salaried position during the week. He would pick up my five movies from the BlockBuster down the street that I had ordered, and he made sure I had enough Kraft macaroni and cheese. 

When my Birthday came in June, I asked the doctor if I could at least celebrate my Birthday. He said yes, but to keep it low key. Erik and I went to Bill Knapps so I could have my cake and eat it too. So here are my thoughts. My Mommy died when she was thirty-three a couple of weeks before her thirty-fourth Birthday. I kept thinking here I am pregnant and starting a family, and hers had ended already. It was such an emotional Birthday. To me when someone dies, they never have “heavenly Birthdays as most people like to say. To me they are not celebrating another year lived. It’s just the day they were born. My Mommy will forever be thirty-three even though she has been gone forty-four and a half years. So she would be seventy-eight today. How can the be that I have outlived her twenty- three years. 

Next line of the poem is life is journey and what journey it has been. So my journey is to follow.