There is one song that no matter what, without fail touches me. It makes me cry. I am telling you if you ever need me to ever cry on command just play the song Both Sides Now sung by Joni Mitchell. This song resonates with me because of the stunning simple, and complicated melodies -also because of the words. My dad played this song growing up and I didn’t think much of it until I got to Israel.
One of my final weeks living in Israel I spent it doing intensive art. Every morning we would go to my art professors apartment. He would make us coffee as he would play a song we would have to do a drawing based on how the song made us feel. One of the songs was Both Sides Now. It gave me this nostalgic based childlike sense of wonder while giving me this deep inflection into who I wanted to be as a person. After we were done, we all shared our drawings. I talked about what it means to each of us. I said “both sides to me means that there is always light within darkness.” Today almost 7 or 8 years later this whole idea of both sides takes on a whole new meaning.
“Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels, The dizzy dancing way that you feel, As every fairy tale comes real I’ve looked at love that way.” For me as my fairytale comes true the more complex the world becomes. For the last 2 years I spent it studying theatre I’ve learned the importance of storytelling. I have learned that every persons narrative is valid. NO MATTER WHAT. We are all sharing lived experiences, having a narrative is a basic human right. It means I view the world differently from you, because of my past experiences, traumas, and joys. With this all said this goes into the main idea I have learned. This has been my secret to peace lately, Something I look forward to teaching my future children but since thats not happening for a long time I hope I can teach it to you. Two extremes can exist at one time. Thats right two extremes can exist at the same time, “Tears and Fears and feeling proud.” It’s really in short bittersweet. Last week I was helping out at a preschool. We were reading a book about a monster who was having a happy and sad feeling at the same time. I tried to explain to them bittersweetness. Not only is bittersweet this cute little idea to explain a happy sad time but also to explain the really deep intellectual stuff people go through.
The idea that two extremes can exist at one time was really drilled into my head during a weekend workshop about art and the justice system. My class was being co taught by someone who was incarcerated for 20 years for robbery. He was able to get clemency and teach this message to me. During his time in prison three of the 20 years were spent in solitary confinement. This man happened to be black. He said while he was in solitary confinement the only person he talked to (through the vents) was a person who was a white supremacist. He said they become the best of friends and even encouraging each other to write and share their stories. A black man and white supremacist, friends. My professor explained that her favorite students in her classes were people who could have been convicted of murder. It’s this idea of extremes. I have been using it not necessarily to these extremes but just the thought that bittersweetness is really in everything. It’s helped me let go. I guess this is my own personal forgiveness to move on, and remind myself why people do the things they do. My way of taking the high road.
I don’t write often on this blog anymore because it feels weird for me to be preachy and gives me like a weird imposter syndrome because I am no expert I am just sharing my journey through life- to that end I really don’t know love at all.
Spilling The Beans 